Melinda Leanne

New Blog Site:

2010-08-24T16:34:00.002-05:00

In an attempt to try blogging more frequently and basically start fresh, I've created a new blog through wordpress.

melindacummins.wordpress.com

Enjoy! :)

Melinda Leanne

Senior Year Reflections

2010-03-28T21:58:00.002-05:00

So, in a matter of 5 weeks, I will graduate from college. Shortly after that, I will turn 22, and get married to the man of my dreams. With that said, it would sound like I am a big fan of change. To be honest, I normally am not good with change, but now I am really REALLY excited about these next 3 months!

I know that all the change, while good, will have its hidden problems. I will graduate without having a job lined up, and the first year of marriage requires a lot of work, but I know that God is faithful and will provide for all of my needs.

Something good is going to happen. I can just feel it. God is great.

2010-02-11T22:56:00.002-06:00

Dance

2010-02-02T08:12:00.004-06:00

Every week I get to spend at least an hour with a fantastic group of people in my small group. We are finishing up Francis Chan's, Crazy Love, and will be continuing this semester reading his latest book, Forgotten God. It is simply a wonderful time to spend with them and I am so excited to hear what they have to say each week.

Last night after small group was over, the girls who stayed in the apartment decided to play classic Disney tunes, sing at the top of our lungs and put in a good dance. It was amazing. Soon the music just seemed to turn into anything that had a good beat as the 5 of us put our dancing shoes to good work. After a stressful day... or semester... it was so great to just be carefree and have a little fun. It would be safe to say that we all got in a good workout, too!

Yesterday, I was reminded that life is not about following the rules.... its about enjoying the life we've been given with others in community. These are some of the memories I will never forget. My friends and our wonderful moments together are so very precious. I thank God every day for them.

Go put on your dancing shoes and celebrate life TODAY...

2010-01-26T11:38:00.001-06:00

I need this today. Maybe you do too.

Philippians 4:4-9 (The Message):

^4-5Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute!

^6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

I'm engaged...

2010-01-14T23:37:00.008-06:00

.: Photo by Michelle Meisner :.

Well, I'm engaged to the most wonderful man in the whole world. I know everyone says that, but I'm the one that REALLY has the most wonderful man. ;)

So much has happened during my time here at college, and I would have never dreamed that this is where I would be. I am so in love with life and the beautiful people that I am surrounded by each and every day. There's nothing like getting a hug from a friend after Christmas break, sharing coffee and talking about life, receiving a sweet goodnight kiss from your fiance, or just sitting at the kitchen table with your roommate typing up emails and hearing nothing but calm music and the keyboard click away.

I have such small and beautiful blessings in my life that make the world seem a little sweeter. Knowing that I will get to spend the rest of my life learning to love one person so intimately and perfectly is the icing on the cup cake! Thank you everyone for being a part of my journey this far. Thank you for shaping me to become who I am today, and helping me through those dark days my sophomore year. Thank you for loving me when I'm ugly on the inside and judgmental. Thank you for putting up with ignorant words, and unnecessary tears.

Life is truly beautiful despite the brokenness that is so prevalent these days. The Lord loves you and cares for you, which is an unspeakable joy. I have been given a wonderful gift of life, and God has blessed me with a wonderful man.

I am thankful.

October 4, 2009

2009-10-05T00:44:00.002-05:00

Amid the changing seasons and unknown times, Lord, you alone are constant... My True North, the One who helps me to be content. I love you.

My prayer all day... God is so good.

Getting Ready...

2009-08-05T11:12:00.003-05:00

Today, I sit in Panera... again.... listening to a love of mine, classical music. I'm working on my plans for this next year and my vision for how I want SGA to go. The more I think about it, the more I realize that my vision is simple. My vision is my calling, my passion, and my purpose: Love.

Now, this word is often misused, misunderstood, feared, hated, adored... the list goes on. I, however, feel as though this one word is our purpose for existence. We were brought into this world BY the love of God, for the purpose TO love others unconditionally, as an expression of thanks FOR the love that has been graciously given to us.

My vision is simple. You won't find too many additions, only alterations where there is brokenness and problems that need a little more, well, love and attention. This can only happen through teamwork and cooperation, and my job is maintain those two things. How will I do that? Love.

Seems a little broad? Yes, it is. Seems to have little 'vision.' I would disagree. Sure, I have ideas on how to implement love into my job, into SGA, into SNU, but I know that things will change and I will face a lot this next year. The great thing is: God is for me. He will guide my actions as I go into this year, which is the most comforting thing I could ask for!

Despite all of my uncertainties, I am so incredibly excited for what God has in store for this next year! :)

God is great and today is a blessing that I will never get back, so I'm going to make the most of it and share this love that I've graciously been given! :)

Love deeply,
Mendolin

My latest thing....

2009-06-22T00:49:00.002-05:00

As you can see, I've changed my background. This has inspired me to talk about my new love: Birds, trees, flowers, pears... etc

I've been painting/ drawing/ admiring A LOT of natural and modern art lately. Its weird. I don't know what's into me, but I just LOVE simple drawings of a cute and whimsical bird like the one on my background, or the outline of tree branches.

Its weird. Is it a phase? I hope not. I like it!

Oh my... this is WAY overdue!

2009-06-16T20:14:00.002-05:00

So, after receiving a text from Michelle to write on my blog, here I am... facing the fact that I haven't written here in well over 3 months... SAD! Thank Michelley for the push to do it! :)

I don't even know where to begin, so I will just talk about what I've been thinking about a lot lately: my life after graduation. I know that it is 11 months away and I have a lot ahead of me, but seeing as how this past year FLEW by, I thought it was a good idea to just start the little thoughts now. Nothing too extensive (I hope), but just little thoughts about what I want to do with my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that has these issues- worrying about the future- but that's where I'm at.

This summer, I get to hang out at "home" in Nebraska with my parents. The only thing that makes it home here is the fact that my parents live here. Sorry Lincoln, but you don't have all of the childhood memories that Norman does. You don't have the old house on Trenton that Jonathan jumped off of and onto our trampoline... and then onto the ground... really hard. Ouch. You don't have Eskimo Sno that tastes oh so good on a muggy and hot summer day like today. You don't have Griffin Memorial Park where I spent 10 summers playing softball with my friends. And you don't have the experiences that shaped me into who I am today. I lost my first tooth, got my first car, and found my passions in Norman.

You DO, however, have a house that I live in right now that allows me to rest, contemplate life, and sort through things in my life! That's something great about this place. I'm away from a lot of the things I know, and that causes me to look at my life from an outsider's perspective... Funny how you notice some things that you never could or had time to examine while you're "inside" your life. Sounds funny, but here's a list of things I've learned:

-You don't have to do something EXTRAORDINARY to have an extraordinary life.
I don't know about you, but for the longest time, I thought that I had to be super sold out to a cause and do something to the effect of selling all my possessions just to serve along the homeless and live amongst them, eating whatever and doing these difficult things that I didn't really want to do just to make an impact in this world and change the course of our society. I know that Mother Teresa did things like this and I want to be like her, but I didn't stop to think about something she said that now has left a great imprint on my life "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." Wow... I missed the whole thing. These past few weeks, I've realized that I can't and shouldn't do everything myself. I need others and all I have to do is love the people I come in contact with EVERY DAY. That's the simple truth.
-I love to create things.
There is something so calming and fulfilling to paint a picture, sew a pillow, recover a chair, or put together an arrangement of furniture. Call me crazy, but I just feel so at home when I'm making something out of a lot of things that are cool or things that look like nothing at all. I can't imagine my life without art and creativity. Take that away, and I'm dead. You take away my paint and I'll sew. Take away my thread and I'll take pictures. Take away my pictures and I'll do something else. Take away everything and I will just sit by myself coming up with great pieces of art in my head until I go crazy from hallucinations and I die... seriously. I. love. art.
- I love to love people. I need people.
This time with my family has been great, but I realize my need for my friends. When I'm away from them, it just makes me really fidgety and frustrated. I long to just sit with one- anyone of them- and talk about life over a cup of coffee. Also, it I've been cooped up for a long time (more than 4 hours) in my house, I like to go somewhere, even if its just to read a book. As long as I'm surrounded by people, I'm good. I need others. I believe that community is essential to life. Put a sick person in a room by themselves, and I promise you that they will die a WHOLE lot faster than a person surrounded by people that love them. Its in our blood.
-I'm pretty stubborn, short-tempered, and intolerant when it comes to certain topics, discussions, and people. Its not with everything, but I'm short-tempered when its concerning politics so I just keep my mouth shut. I am pretty stubborn/ short-tempered with discussions concerning food... odd, but true. I'm pretty intolerant of people who are SOOOOOO opinionated on things that they THINK they know everything about, but don't. Again, I keep my thoughts to myself most of the time, and try to keep it inside.
- I am NOT great at long distance running.
I can do it. I love it. I feel like I've done my body good, but I'm just slow as molasses. I'm sure anyone reading this could beat me...
-I have a lot of life to live...
and that's just something that excites me more than ANYTHING! There's a lot that is going to happen- graduation, jobs, wedding, houses, babies, travels, loving people, family time. I can't wait! :)

So, a lot has been on my mind, and a lot more will probably come. While I'm still sorting all this out, I'm going to read some books and I'm excited. I just finished Serve God, Save the Planet by Matthew Sleeth. It was bittersweet for me. That will be left to another day. In the mean time, I'm starting Crazy Love by Francis Chan... should be great!

-Love Deeply

Melinda Leanne

So Little Time...

2009-03-02T15:59:00.004-06:00

So, I do realize that my blog title is a rip off an old, cheesy, Olsen twins' TV show on Fox Family... and I'm OK with that.

But on more serious note, there's so much to be done here on earth. Just thinking about it all sends my head into a spin like I'm on the time warp amusement park ride at the state fair. I have heard about, seen videos of, and talked about more serious issues this semester than I've had my whole time here at SNU previously, combined. I'm in an AWESOME class called International Economic Development here this semester and its totally rocked my world. For some good and for some bad reasons too.

I've learned so much about these awesome people like Muhammad Yunus (my huuuuuuge crush) who are not afraid to get dirty and fight poverty and oppression at the root of the problem, dedicating their whole life to speaking up for the poor. This man, while he is not a Christian, is living a more Christian life than several "Christians" I know... and that's including me. I'm not leaving myself out of this judgement because I've been made more aware of the things that I'm doing that aren't helping others as well as the things I'm NOT doing that's not helping others.

Pretty crazy thing when a Hindu is acting more like Christ than you, a so-called Christian, are. That's a pretty tough thing to swallow, but its true. What even more difficult to process is the reality of extreme slavery, whether sexual or not, that is so prevalent today in the world. I mean, its 2009... we have the iPhone, online banking, smart cars, and clothing that is more high tech than computers in the 1960s! Why can't we figure out how to get humanity on the right path towards living a full and wonderful life for our Wonderful Creator?

There's so much hurt and pain in this world. So much love that needs to be shared. So many lives that need to be helped. So many homes that only need a mere cent a week in order to climb out of the lowest level of poverty and be able to sustain a somewhat better life... There's so much to do, but I've got so little time, it seems.

I sure can't do this alone. Not when I'm only here for few brief breaths.

Choose Your Friends Wisely:

2009-02-26T09:48:00.003-06:00

Lately, I've understood the importance of this phrase that I've heard several times. No, I'm not having problems with my friends, but I've heard about so many others' problems and how its effecting them.

One thing I've realized lately is that the friends you hang out with and associate yourself with have a direct impact on your development and who you are/ become. A person can change drastically for either good or bad depending on those surrounding them.

I know this might sound a little obvious, but I guess that the magnitude of this fact have been made known to me these past few weeks. With that said, I feel we all have a great responsibility to watch our actions and how they will impact those around us.

More importantly, we should "choose our friends wisely" and never forget the most important relationship we need to nurture and rely on is with God, which should be the friendship that we allow to shape us.

Its so simple, but it really is vital and important....

I 'shoulda gone to design school...

2008-12-16T17:21:00.004-06:00

Awesomeness, thy name is Pottery Barn...

College

2008-12-09T11:25:00.002-06:00

This is an example of a Blog that a Junior in College writes the week before finals:

- 10 page paper
- Financial Analysis Report
- Case Study Report
- Vocal Performance
- Pulling out my hair by its individual strands until I have none left

Notice how short, pessimistic, and disgusting it is....

The Lee Wedding

2008-11-24T19:03:00.006-06:00

This weekend, I was blessed to be the Maid of Honor for David and Beth Lee's wedding. It was held at 2PM on Saturday, November 22nd at Trinity Church of the Nazarene (my home church) and was a beautiful fall wedding!

Here are some pictures from the whole day that I took when I had time in between running errands and fluffing the dress! :) Hope you enjoy!

Angela and Katie Beth did our hair! It looked so amazing!

Sweet Keagan stayed SO STILL for Katie Beth. It was so cute...

The Beautiful Bride!!!

Beth's AWESOME Shoes that matched David's

Sweet Girls...

The Wedding Dress!
The girls tying the difficult bows for each other.
All of us with Beth before the dress goes on!
Beth sat sideways on the piano bench for 30 minutes before the ceremony started.

It was SUCH a great wedding. I've always wanted a fall wedding, so even if I don't get one, I can at least say that I was in a beautiful fall wedding with warm colors and wonderful young women! :) I hope you and David have a blessed marriage, Beth... Love you both. :)

Pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin...

2008-11-18T21:35:00.005-06:00

I simply love pumpkin... ANYTHING!

My favorite pumpkin creation would have to be my family's pumpkin bread recipe, though. Every year, I look forward to the day when I can walk in a supermarket and see the overflowing display of pumpkins for sale. I would go so far as to say that pumpkins are one of the major things I am thankful for during Thanksgiving... right under God's love, my family, my friends, and the luxuries of like I've been blessed with. Yes... that simple vegetable (its a vegetable, right? the whole argument about tomatoes being a fruit because the seeds on the inside and such always makes me second guess myself...) is something I'm legitimately thankful for.

What you might not know is that pumpkins are very special to my family, and here's why:

Way back in 1981... well, maybe that's not TOO long ago ;)... My dad proposed to my Mom that night before Halloween (oh, how romantic, right?!?!?). Ever since I can remember, my dad has bought each person in the family our own pumpkin as a way to remember that night. I think it's a sweet gesture, and it was always a treat to find 4 beautiful pumpkins gracing our front porch each year when I would come home from school. Some years we would paint or even color our pumpkins with markers, but EVERY year my mom and I would cook the pumpkins. This brings me to the real reason why I love pumpkins so much.

My mom and I have shared wonderful memories together cooking pumpkins over the years. There's just something about cooking with your mother that builds a special bond between the two of you, and I am so excited for the day when I will be able to pass this tradition on to my own daughter. My mom and I would cook all 4 pumpkins, which ends up becoming a lot, and we would bake pies and bread for the next few months until it was all used up. This would usually cause us to give either the pumpkin or the baked goods away. There's nothing better than a pie or loaf of bread baked with fresh pumpkin. Using the canned stuff is unheard of in our home! When most people hear that I cook my own pumpkin, they often become amazed at how much work I go through, but it is actually as simple as mashed potatoes... If you have never used fresh pumpkin, but have always wanted to, you are in luck!

Here is how you cook a pumpkin:

Be sure you have a good, sharp knife to prevent cutting your finger. Trust me, a good knife makes a world of difference when cutting up a pumpkin!

1. Cut the pumpkin in 1/2
2. Remove the seeds
3. Cute the pumpkin into quarters
4. Cut off the rind (hard outer part) and stem. You are now left with the lighter inside of the pumpkin, or the "meat"
5. Chop the pumpkin into cubes, about 2"x2"
6. Put the pumpkin cubes into large pots (as many as you need) and fill them with water so that all the pieces are covered.
7. Boil the pumpkin like you would potatoes.
8. Remove from stove when a fork easily pokes the soft pumpkin pieces.
9. Drain the water.
10. Spoon the cooked pieces into a blender and blend until smooth with no chunks.
11. Store pumpkin in Tupperware or other storage container. You can refrigerate it until you want to use it, or even freeze it for later use.

* Use 1 1/2 cups for each can of pumpkin a recipe calls for*

It's that simple! I hope that you will try it out sometime because fresh pumpkin REALLY DOES make a difference!

2008-11-10T17:24:00.002-06:00

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
-- Aristotle

Oh Facebook....

2008-11-04T22:12:00.005-06:00

These were some of the status changes I saw on Facebook right after Obama won tonight. Janette and I sat here refreshing the page over and over again... it is pretty entertaining.

Person 1: "Is blue we're blue"
Person2: "Is moving to Texas and hope they break away:
Person 3: "Is SCCCCCCCCRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAMMMING!!!!" (maybe not enough E's in that one...)
Person 4: "Is headed to and island with Alex"
Person 5: "Not MY President"
Person 6: "Everyone: please stop the hate and violent talk. Think love and peace." (Good advice Stephen)
Person 7: "used to be proud of this nation"
Person 8: "is welcome to socialist america...**expletive**. im going back to CANADA."
Person 9: "is sleeping"
Person 10: "is make room for me, Aussies. You all think straight."
Person 11: "is wow. i cannot believe this. i can't believe this country put a muslim in the white house. wake up, people." (OUCH....)
Person 12: "its about time we get a brotha in the house...."
Person 13: "its official, abomination."
Person 14: "maybe... New Zealand....that would be cool." (yes!!! New Zealand is cool, but I would go there for other reasons than an election result...well.. I guess that would depend on the consequences, but not because of THIS election...)
Person 15: "is wondering if Texas will secede and elect McCain/Norris for President."
Person 16: "is hoping that all the annoying people who are threatening to move to Canada actually do."
Person 17:" is worried. i'll be honest. but i'm going to try to give obama a chance. even though its hard." (wow.. that's one of the most positive response yet!)
Person 18: "i wonder if they'll put a fried chicken joint in the White House?" ( that was WAAAAAAAAY out of line...)
Person 19: "is thinking our country is already in hell and has been for awhile....where have you people been?" (yeah, no matter what you think about the election result, there is no doubt that we weren't a perfect nation prior to this day)
Person 20: "forgive them Lord, for they know not what they have done." (wow, that's an intense response)
Person 21: "knows McCain is so happy everyone wants to leave the country he sacrificed his life for."
Person 22: "is thinking high-schoolers probably can't move out of the country. so, don't talk about it."
Person 23: "well...i have an extra copy of the koran..... $50........ any takers?" (oh my.....)
Person 24: "IF I WERE IN THE SECRET SERVICE I WOULD QUIT"
Person 25: "is congrats obama. I love the always classy McCain. he is a true American hero."

** Disclaimer: The content of these views do not reflect the views of this blogger, but are rather a glimpse into the online world of Facebook and it's members' opinions.**

I hope this makes you think about just what happened... there are a lot of opinions out there...

Just call me Alvin...

2008-10-31T12:33:00.002-05:00

Wednesday I got my wisdom teeth taken out, so I am currently sporting a pair of chubby cheeks! The whole experience hasn't been bad yet. During the surgery, even though I was fully awake, was rather relaxing and I felt as though I could have fallen asleep. The gas they gave me was awesome and definitely worth the small fee.

I have been living off of apple sauce, soup, and yogurt these past few days and it hasn't been too bad. I heard a lot of horror stories before my procedure, so I was thinking that I was going to have a horrible experience, but it honestly has been rather fun.

I think its funny feeling groggy and loopy, and there's nothing better than sitting around while all of your friends are stuck in class! lol

What has meant the most to me is all of the sweet sweet friends who have stopped by to visit me and bring me little goodies. So, thanks Sarahbeth, Janette, and Marian... you all have been so sweet to me! It also is great that my other friends have text me to see how I was. Some people never cease to amaze me with their giving hearts.

I look forward to the day when I can bit into a piece of meat, but until then, soups and apple sauce will have to do...

Early Senioritis

2008-10-25T17:48:00.004-05:00

So, I am sitting here at my computer thinking about all I have to get done early because of my oral surgery on Wednesday (oh horrid wisdom teeth, only 4 more days will I have to deal with your pain and frustration) and I decided to delay the work. Why? Well, the answer is very simple: I don't want to work right now. I'm sure there are several people other than I who just aren't motivated to write a paper over the Wall Street Crisis for Managerial Accounting either on a Saturday evening...

If you are... it's ok, I will be praying for you tonight.

So what will I do to pass the time? Copy Jeff's forward from the other day and fill it out for myself!!!! I'm sure he will agree with me that at times, these things make you feel like you're in middle school again, but the content of my answers make it so much more mature... at least that's what I'm telling myself right now. So here it goes:

I am: sitting at my kitchen table watching ESPN and eating soup.

I dream: about crazy things that scare me and I know are super insightful at the same time, but I never can seem to remember them when I wake up the next morning.

I think: that there is more to life than the clothes I wear, the car I drive, and the size of my bank account.

I know: that I am blessed beyond what I deserve and that this morning was a gift from God so that I might be able to spread His love to the world around me.

I want: to be the one who reaches out with a hand full of grace to those around me, and never forget the history of grace God has bestowed upon me.

I have: a wonderful boyfriend who is filled with God's love and each day I grow more and more in love with him.

I wish: for world peace... and no, I am not Gracie Lou Freebush...

I hate: that I've grown uncomfortably comfortable with my hypocritical behavior.

I miss: Saturday Father/Daughter dates at Jimmy's Egg in Norman every week.

I fear: I will one day look at my life and not remember all the wonderful moments that got me to where I am at that time and place.

I feel: unmotivated to be a driven person today. (sounds just a little funny, doesn't it...)

I hear: every little voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough, and I often let that be the influence of my decisions.

I smell: my laundry after every load- there's nothing like fresh clothes out of the dryer!

I crave: for the day when I no longer continue to be stressed out and controlled by my list of things to do.

I search: for obtaining things in life that don't matter.

I wonder: "why people are so concerned with politics when they won’t help the people they see everyday." and I would have to completely agree with you on this one, Jeff...

I regret: all those days where I gave into the lie that children aren't capable of REALLY making a difference in the Church, but that they are simply present in the world to "someday become the Church."

I love: gerber daisies and everything they mean to me: love, friendship, God's Creation, life, beauty, and growth.

I ache: for those who are stereotype as being lazy because they are homeless and poor.

I care: for my family and I love them very much.

I always: care if my things are clean and in order.

I am not: excited about the upcoming elections.... sorry, but that's the truth...

I believe: a god is not God if he fits inside our heads.

I dance: whenever I can... I love dancing and I will be a dancing Nazarene until the day I die...

I sing: all the time, but get really self-conscious about it when I'm in my apartment because I live with music majors who are training to become professionals... lol

I cry: often and sometimes with others. Crying is a great release.

I don’t always: change my oil when I should... sometimes I've gone twice as long before taking it in.

I fight: with myself on a daily basis... I am my own worst enemy and my thoughts have been known to consume me.

I write: in a journal to my husband I started almost 2 years ago... it's something I'm very proud of.

I win: the end... :)

I lose: my patience when people base their opinions on their ignorance...

I never: want to go a day without loving .

I confuse: myself in accounting and stats sometimes.

I listen: to God less than I talk to Him, causing me to miss out on the things He wants me to be a part of.

I can usually be found: in the SGA office or my apartment.

I am scared: of being alone.

I need: to stop eating things that makes my stomach yell.

I am happy: that my parents are coming to town on Wednesday! :)

I desire: close, intimate relationships with those around me.

I hope: for the good in people to prevail.

I have: been delaying my homework way to long... it's time to face the music!

Hope you know that the Lord never allows us to endure that which we can't endure... all we need to do is ask Him for the strength to overcome.

It's Been a While

2008-10-22T09:13:00.002-05:00

It's pretty sad how long it's been since my last post.

Life has been great, yet it seems like the busyness of my schedule has put a damper on things. I had such a great and relaxing time in New Zealand and I miss that pace of life... I know everybody around me gets tired of hearing about how much I miss that beautiful country, but God did wonderful things in my life there and I NEVER want to forget those lessons and the beautiful people I met there.

Never in my life have I had such an amazing encounter with God. Everyday I would find Him in the most unexpected places. I know that this has happened to me here at home, but nothing like I experienced in New Zealand.

I hate it that most days, I do so much that I really don't remember which day is which... life has become a blur and that is very difficult for me to handle. This was made known to me after having such a relaxing and extraordinary Fall Break in the CO Mountains. I left my planner at home, I didn't have cellphone reception, and I didn't have the Internet... IT WAS GREAT!!!

I really want to change my outlook on the days to come. I want to cherish the MOMENTS of each days and not the TASKS of each day.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I sure do miss New Zealand.

Auckland: 2 weeks to go!!!

2008-07-08T20:22:00.003-05:00

Well hello everyone! I just wanted to update you on what all has been going here in the biggest city in New Zealand. The team and I arrived last Monday, and Denise and Tau Maiava (the pastor and his wife) fed us an American meal: Sloppy Joes and potato salad. It was great to have something made with us specifically in mind. Last week, was our "off week" so to say, where we simply stripped off 3 layers of wallpaper and patched/ textured the walls, then painted it with a fresh coat of paint. It was a lot of hard work, actually, and it took us about 4 days to complete the task. Never in my life have I thought that those 6 years of remodeling our house would actually come in handy later on in life. So, thanks Mom and Dad! :)
Seth, Liz, and I lead worship for the service on Sunday along with others that normally play in the service, and Allison and I shared our testimony. It was great to share my story with them all, and as typical as I think my testimony is (I have the "I grew up in a Christian home..." testimony) the people felt more open to talk to me, and they actually could relate to what I had to say. It was very neat because never in my life did I think that I had the "pastor gene," but I didn't clam up when speaking in front of a congregation... Even though it was a smaller congregation than most back home, I was still shocked with what I did. Afterwards, I sat down and then realized that I just gave a mini-sermon... kinda neat.
This week, we have been doing a holiday program with the kids since they are out of school for 2 weeks. It has been pretty hard on us all. After doing this sort of ministry directly being with kids for the 3rd week, it takes a lot of energy out of you, but it is worth all the effort and time. We have been learning a lot about ourselves and about working so closely with kids. We are kind of becoming pros at it! haha... Since we've been here, we have also done a lot of other things. Our team has had evening tea (dinner) at several other's house, and it has been great to get to know them all. We have gone to a black sand beach, and also to downtown Auckland to see the base of the SkyTower to watch people bungee jump from the top... made me want to go jump SO BAD! I did, however, refrain from jumping (you're welcome mother).
Crazy to think that 2 weeks from today, we will be on a plane back to the States... Only 2 weeks! Wow, time has sure flown by, but looking back on all we have done, I can't say that we just sat around and did nothing. We have definitely made the most of our time, and I still can't believe all that we've done!

Thanks for all of your prayers and support in getting me to where I am. I can't express just how much everything has meant to me, and I definitely have felt your prayers as I've been here. I can't wait to tell everyone IN PERSON about all my experiences and show all of my pictures. Have a blessed week... LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Melinda Leanne

New Zealand: Dargaville and the First Few Days of Auckland

2008-07-01T16:05:00.003-05:00

Hello everyone! Long time no talk! I apologize for not updating as much as I had previously planned. Internet, and free time are hard to come by, especially at the same time, so I guess this will have to do!
It's hard to even start- I don't know where to begin! On Monday, the 17th, the team and I arrived at Dargaville, New Zealand. This was our second site for our trip. We traveled about 45 minutes from the East coast of New Zealand where Whangarei lies, and ended up at the West coast! They say that in NZ, you're at the most, only about 1 hour away from a beach no matter where you are in the whole country! That's a crazy thought because back at school, it's about 10 hours to the nearest ocean for me.
When we arrived, the team was immediately thrown into what we were going to be doing there for the next two weeks. We had lunch, and then prepped for our after school program. We provided a healthy snack: fruit salad, yummy yummy (thank you Wiggles). We also had a short devotion for the kids that was based on a chosen memory verse for each day that each of us took turns facilitating. It was a great ministry outreach to the community. We were able to touch the lives of young ones who might not hear the gospel because of the sometimes scary atmosphere a church service can have on non-believers. There were 4 girls who started coming to Sunday School as a result of the program after the first 2 days! In the end, there were about 30 kids total who came through the whole event, which is great for a community of 5,000. 15 of them were there every day they could.
The team had a set of favorites. They were two brothers who were the sweetest and most thoughtful 10 year olds anyone could meet. They would walk over from their home that was about 1 mile away, everyday, just to come to our kid's club. One of them even came over when there was only 15 minutes left, just because he wanted to be there so badly. They come from a rough home, and we heard some talk about a social worker being involved in their household, so a lot of prayer for them is still going on. We also had a new family come to both Sunday services while we were there as a result of the program. A mother and her 2 daughters seemed to have been impacted by it all, and for that, our whole team praises God!
It has been amazing to see what God has done through these past two weeks! Our team also taught Bible in schools to a total of about 450kids after going to 3 different primary schools. Once again, talking about God in public schools was an amazing opportunity, but is slowly becoming done less and less around the country as non Christians are trying to push it out of the campuses. Please pray for this, because it is a wonderful mission field that the US would be so grateful to have!
Our team also went to 2 retirement homes and sang songs to them and talked to the residents. The first home we went to was for severely handicapped persons, and that was emotionally difficult to handle, but it was a wonderful opportunity to share the love of God to them, through song and a simple smile/ conversation. I had a wonderful talk with a man who just recently sold his dairy farm. At the other retirement home, they were more abled, and that was a great time! We sang 4 hymns and then talked to the residents for about an hour. I sat down with a Gloria Warne, and by the end of the conversation, we had exchanged addresses and she told me to expect a letter when I return back home! It was a lovely time to talk about her and her faith that she is still clinging to even after all the experiences she's shared with me.
On both Sundays, Seth, Liz, and I lead worship alongside the pastor's wife who played the bass. Seth played the acoustic AND electric (on a few songs, we rocked out), Liz played the piano and sang harmony, while I sang lead. That was neat to be leading others in worship... something I've never done before!
The team mostly spent time working on the after school program, but on Sunday the 29th, Seth and Liz were able to DJ the local Christian radio station and share a lot of music they have with the surrounding area of about 45 miles. It was neat for Allison and I to listen to them back at pastor Nigel's house. We were unable to go because we have caught a head cold, so we simply laid down to rest our bodies. Please remember us in your prayers as we are still suffering from the symptoms.
We were able to do a lot of fun things too while at Dargaville, it was not all work there. We made several trips to Bayly's Beach, which was an awesome experience each time. We also went 4 wheel driving along sand dunes one Sunday afternoon with a convoy of off road vehicles driven by friends and members of the church, which we ended with a sausage BBQ on the beach. On the 23rd, we went to the tip of the North Island to the Waipua Forests to see Tane Mahuta, the largest Kauri tree in NZ. It was amazing to be there, and we walked around other Kauri tree forest up in that area. VERY NEAT.

There has been a lot that has happened over the past 2 weeks, and I haven't covered it all, but I hope that you feel as though you know more about what I am doing, but more importantly about what GOD is doing here. We have safely arrived in Auckland where we are spending the rest of our time in New Zealand. I will update as things start to unfold here! I will leave you all with some things to remember/ pray for:

The families impacted by the kid's club in Dargaville.
The congregations of Dargaville CON, Whangarei Christian Fellowship, and New Lynn CON.
Our team's safety while in Auckland as well as our ministry efforts.
Allison and my sickness.
The team's hearts, may they be stretched and molded each and every day.
The country of New Zealand and the ministry to the schools that is under attack and at risk of being pulled from some schools.
Our families back home.

Please feel free to e-mail or comment me whenever you like and I will try and respond/ tell you more about my time here!

Much love... Miss you all!
Melinda Leanne

To all of you back home...

2008-06-21T05:02:00.002-05:00

I mean it :)

Love,

Mendy

Week #2: Whangarei

2008-06-16T06:19:00.005-05:00

Well, today, we left Whangarei. After a full week of doing more of God's work, it is safe to say that the 4 of us are pretty tired. This past week, we finished our work over at Donna's house and it was a lovely time! There was a lot of bonding as a team, and we also had the privilege to work with locals from the church there. Dwayne, Amy, Anna, and Ty were four others who lent a helping hand on the project and made a huge difference on how much we were able to accomplish!

Besides that, we continued to work in Sunday School with the children. This week, we also had another bonfire on the beach, which was an awesome experience to have again. The next day, the team and I spent the morning and early afternoon with Sonya, one of the workers at Te Ora Hou, and we went to several shops around downtown and had a lovely time.
Later that evening, I got to witness something that I have never seen before. Three of the young adults in the church were baptized in the ocean in front of the pastor's house. It was so neat to see them all being lead out into the (cold) water and be baptized. I have always grown up watching people being submerged in a bathtub-like tank inside, so it was an awesome sight to see them in such a HUGE body of water. Kinda made me want to be re baptized, just so I could say that I was baptized in the Pacific Ocean, but oh well...

After saying our goodbyes to the families that we all have grown to know and love, we were picked up today by Jae, the pastor's wife here at Dargaville, and she brought us to her home where we met Nigel. They are a really neat couple and I am excited about what all they have planned for us to do with our time while we are here. After going through the schedule, we had lunch and then ran a kids' club after school program for local students around the ages of 6-10. From the looks of things, I feel like more and more will come as the days go on and word is spread. The children really seemed to respond well, which is always encouraging as you are spending time with them.

I have a feeling that I will be singing Oklahoma! again to someone here, which is a funny thought. Who thought that a song like that would be so popular here. Maybe they just want to laugh at me. Either way, I don't care, as long as people are entertained and it allows others to feel more comfortable in talking with me. I am so eager to find out what God has in store for the team and I this week- who knows! Please keep the team, the local church, the community of Dargaville, and the seeds planted in Whangarei in your prayers this week as we continue into our 3rd week of ministry here in New Zealand. We have come a long way, but there is still more.
I will hopefully be able to post pictures sometime if I can ever get a good enough Internet connection for my lap top, but I am not able to make any promises.

Blessings to all and I am praying for everyone back home!

Week #1

2008-06-10T13:55:00.003-05:00

Whangarei, New Zealand

Well, for the past week, my team and I have been in the lovely city of Whangarei (pronounced: Fong-gair-ray). We have been living with an American family mostly, the Abascals, who have lived here for about 2 years.
So far, my team and I have taught about 3 lessons to the children at church, helped paint Donna’s (a local woman at the church) house and we will finish tomorrow and on Thursday, Seth has hung out with the boys at Te Ora Hou (a boys and girls club for at-risk children in the community), exchanged testimonies with several people within the church and community (there have been amazing stories and there are several more to come I’m sure). One in particular was from a man named Dave. This man is one of our team’s favorite people that we’ve met in the church so far. He is an on-fire Christian who has a giving heart, but what makes him and his story so incredible is that he is 1 ½ years new to the faith and he was saved from alcoholism by an incredible encounter with the Holy Spirit.
We spent the night at his house two nights ago (Saturday) after spending the whole day with his daughter and her friend. We climbed Mt. Manaia and the view was breathtaking. We had almost a 360 degree view from the summit and in that view we saw farms, beaches, mountains, and the Pacific Ocean all in one view… Later that night, we played games with the family and had heaps of Chinese food (they say heaps instead of tons). ☺
Today, the team and I had the privilege to teach the story of David and Goliath in the public primary school today. It was very neat to experience a culture in which the teaching of the Bible was allowed and even encouraged. My partner, Liz, was the storyteller each time, and it felt out of place for her to talk so openly about God, but it was a very rewarding experience, I think, for everyone- including the kids.
Tonight, the girls and I went to Te Ora Hou for the girls’ night. We shared the game of gotcha/ knockout with them and they shared net ball with us. It was a lovely time to experience young teen girls of the Maori culture. At the end of our time with the girls, I shared a song… none other than our great state song, “Oklahoma!,” while all the girls shared a Maori thank you song and dance with us. It was beautiful to watch and experience everything.
Tomorrow, we are painting Donna’s house again, and will return to Miguel’s house for sleep, and then it’s off to the schools again on Wednesday to teach about forgiveness by the telling of the story of Joseph and his brothers. It is all so exciting to see what God is doing here- as little as they may seem- but the relationships and the knowledge I am gaining is something that I treasure… God is great and his beautiful creation is a wonderful peak at God’s glorious creativity in our lives.
Here are a few words/ sayings that I’ve learned while here in New Zealand so far:

Sweet as: awesome/ sweet as it gets
Choice: right/ great/ fine
Gum boots: rain boots
Woolies: long johns
Boot: trunk of the car
Heaps: tons/ loads/ a lot
Smoke O: break (our team has taken several)
Hire a movie: rent a movie

I MADE IT!!!!

2008-06-03T15:26:00.002-05:00

It is beautiful here...

I can't write a lot because today, my whole group is going to the beach with the pastor and his family to spend a day with God and to enjoy all that Whangarei has to offer.

I am excited. I've already cried at the beauty of it all... God is here and I am super excited about all that is going to happen this summer! :)

Tomorrow we go clean the church and paint a widow's house, and then our ministry projects here are REALLY going to start to kick into high gear. Its such a blessing to give to others and I am just anxious for it to all happen.

Thanks for the prayers... More to come! :)

Mendy

Training Camp: Bonita Park

2008-05-29T00:07:00.003-05:00

Well, today was our first full day here at training camp in New Mexico, and I am just overwhelmed already. This is not the bad kind though. I have just heard so much and it is all becoming a little more real to me.

Tonight in particularly, I was hit really hard by what the speaker had to say. I have always been one to question my motives for things. I tend to be a people pleaser, which can be both good and bad. It is because of this that I question my motives for ANYTHING that I do!

His example tonight was actually going to New Zealand. He said the one thing about our trip that all of us had heard the most when people find out where we are going- "New Zealand... LORD OF THE RINGS!!!!" While its true, it makes me second guess why I am going there. Did I choose to go there for the right reason, or did I go for my own agenda; to go to a beautiful country? While I am still going no matter what, I will just trust myself and God that this is where I'm supposed to be.

I am going to a beautiful country and it's a wonderful experience and blessing from God. Yes, it's not Africa or some more "difficult" place as far as setting/culture goes, but there are still lives that need to be impacted. God will use me in ways, I am willing. I can't even begin to describe the feeling I have inside me! Despite all my doubts and second guesses about my motives, I know this is where I need to be.

More to come, tomorrow will be great- I can just feel it! :)

May the love of Christ be made known in unique and intimate ways to you today...

Melinda Leanne

New Zealand

2008-05-23T21:57:00.003-05:00

Well, in 9 days I will be in New Zealand. It's true, I have all my funds in- Praise the LORD- and I am packed (the suitcase opens and closes as I go over all my things constantly, but the items never change... I'm just a worry-wart).

The first two weeks, I will be working in Whangarei. It is a community near Auckland on the North Island of about 40,000 people. Next, I will be traveling to a near-by communnity called Dargaville. There, my team and I will be working in the community of about 4,ooo doing a kid's club from about 3-5pm each day. After two weeks in Dargaville, we will be heading off to Auckland, which has a population of about 1 million. We will be located there for just over two weeks, and will be touring the rest of our time (about 4-5 days) in a popular tourist place- Rotura. When I get there, I'm sure I will receive more information about what all we will be doing, and I will be sure to pass that information along!

It's crazy to think that a little over 5 months ago, I found out that I would be going to that great country and now... now I'm almost there! Sure, I have reservations- will I do a good job? I'm not all that happy about having my 20th birthday over the Pacific Ocean for about 4 hours as well. Despite those two things and more, I wouldn't pass this opportunity up for anything!

I was thinking the other day about how I would feel next semester in school if I had decided last minute NOT to go. After thinking about it, I realized that all the fears I will conquer and get over, no matter how difficult they are to face, will be reason enough to actually go ahead and do it! I can still hear my grandpa telling me that I'm "the kind of girl that goes out and accomplishes anything I set my mind to." That may not always be a smart thing, but it is good to hear that from someone else.

I have always been one of those girls who doesn't want to look back on my life and wonder "what if." Anyone who knows me well has probably heard me say that a lot, but it's true. I really seek to stick to that way of life. I will face things that aren't the best, but with determination and the strength of God empowering me daily... I can achieve great things. Who knows when you're faced with a seemingly impossible task, what the outcome will be? The very least you can do is give it a try.

I'm going to New Zealand... I've focused myself on the mission God has called me to do this summer and I won't back down! Let's see where this journey takes me! :)

Prayers are greatly appreciated...

Hei konei ra ( See you later),
Melinda Leanne

**I hope I come back with an awesome accent and amazing rugby skills :)**

Isaiah 58:9-10

2008-03-21T22:46:00.005-05:00

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday."

As I was doing my FUEL for tonight (a guided bible study our youth group is doing together) this scripture was part of what we were supposed to read. It seemed to jump off the page at me and get me really thinking. There are so many of us who claim to be Christians and do God's work, yet seem to only stay within the confines of the four walls of the church. Now, I know God calls each of us to be used for Him in different ways, but do we sometimes hide behind that when we encounter the people that God is talking about in this passage? Do we hide behind our deeds towards the "perfect church service" when we come across someone in need right in front of us on the street corner?

It seems that throughout scripture God tells us, either through prophets in the OT or from Jesus' own lips in the NT, to reach out a hand to those in need. I think many have heard this call and have embraced it fully, but I also think a lot of us miss it- especially those of us who have been churched our whole lives. I know that I have become quite content with my pew-sitting self in the past and have often turned a deaf ear to the cry of those in need because I'm a good, tithe-paying, song-singing, Bible-quizzing Nazarene girl.

Its not enough to simply live a life of a good church-goer. I've felt God's tug on my heart to do more than simply be a good Christian girl who stays within those four walls of the sanctuary. While the church community is vital to our walk with God because of its fellowship and accountability, I think that what is beyond the front doors is something we can't forget about. God is calling us to step out of our comfort zone and listen to the voice of the oppressed.

Listen and act and your days will be filled with a wonderful light that can only come from God. :)

Catching up,

2008-03-08T21:18:00.003-06:00

Well, the past two weeks have been one of the most eventful weeks of my life! I had two major things going on: Lip Sync and Exec. Elections for SGA.

I will spare you all the boring details about no sleep, skipping a few classes at the end, and having my every second pretty much planned out and cut to the chase. I won for my position of Office Administrator for SGA, and Lip Sync is done! I can't really comment on the success of the event, mainly because I'm my own worst critic, but besides that, I heard it was received well.

The most exciting thing about it all is how I handled everything. I was... to my surprise, really calm all week. That's not common in my life when I have a lot going on. I tend to be SUPER stressed about even the littlest of things! All I can say is that God was with me in a very REAL way this week, and He gave me a sense of calm and joy that can only come from Him!

Man, life is good, and I am so very thankful for all the Lord has done in my life. He has given me so many blessings, and one of them is a loving circle of family and friends who have encouraged and embraced me when I need it the most.

I'm just so thankful...

No Explanation needed...

2008-02-24T23:38:00.000-06:00

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."
Said the old man, "I do that too."
The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."
"I do that too," laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, "I often cry."
The old man nodded, "So do I."
"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems
Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
"I know what you mean," said the little old man.

-Shel Silverstein

Blemishes

2008-02-08T11:34:00.001-06:00

Let's face it. We all have things in our lives that we would rather not talk about. We mess up, we say things we don't mean, we become selfish in our relationships, we pick our nose, we sing too loud, we purposefully avoid others in order to show our anger... WE ALL DO IT...

Does this mean we are horrible people? Are we just inherently bad? I tend to say no, but maybe that's because I'm Mendy... you know... the overly perky and optimistic individual you just sometimes want to tell to say something completely out of the ordinary and dark.

While I DO tend to look on the bright side of things for pretty much every circumstance I find myself in (an example being when I fractured my nose in high school, I was able to talk to a guy I was afraid to talk to because I liked him. of course, it was about how NASTY my face looked, but hey, I'll take it), I think I'm pretty right on about this one.

What I'm really getting at is this: We tend to believe that love is something that is conditional. "Well, he has to change X and Y before I will ever truly love him, other than that he's great." Is this the right attitude? Sure, there are DEFINITE things that matter to you... but come on... try and meet people where they are. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

I say this while thinking in the back of my mind about all the times I've done that and then as a result, I got taken advantage of, but as with everything... you have to have some common sense on the matter. You can love someone, but not like them. You don't have to invite them over to your house to have a baking party or to watch the big game, but you should treat them with respect.

I tend to think my writings sound like a kindergarten lesson sometimes, but seriously... we obviously missed it the first time. Why else do we go around in our dating relationships and view them as something in which we expect the other person to be perfect and always giving us something without giving back.

Love isn't selfish... its selfLESS.

Nobody is perfect. Love them for who they are- blemishes and all.

Moments

2008-02-04T19:25:00.001-06:00

Cherish them.

I hope you never forget to take the time to enjoy life for what it is and be thankful for what you have- life! There are gifts from God all around you... we just don't take the time to sit back and really NOTICE all of them. Here are a few for some examples:

A hug from a dear friend.
Dancing in the car like no one is watching... even if they are... and you're acting like a fool.
Having toilet paper... when you really need it. (trust me... thats a BLESSING)
A simple, yet at the same time, intricate purple daisy sitting on your desk, beaconing you to smell it.
A warm cup of coffee that not only warms your finger tips, but also your inmost parts.
A camera in your hand, the wind in your face, the sun on your back, and a song in you heart.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea.
All I know is that I encountered God this weekend... in a very real and intimate way. I was alone out in His wonderful gift to us, and while I had no one to share it with for a while, I was still amazed by it all. Sometimes it just takes your breath away, but oh, I love it when that happens.

I challenge you: look for God this week, and seek Him in a real and intimate way. There are many times we overlook blessings from God because we get distracted with homework, an attractive member of the opposite sex, or the other million obligations we have in life. Take the time to notice the little things. You will soon find out that the little things... the little moments... well, in fact, they aren't so little after all.

Say what you really wanna say...

2008-01-29T19:08:00.000-06:00

And the truest of forms will show
Finally you'll find your soul.

Depending on how you look at this, it can mean a lot...
I could very well be taking these few lines out of context, but hey, I found a truth... and where we find truth, we are supposed to embrace it because its ours, right Rob? :)

Well, I think that these words have a lot to say about ourselves. We often hid our true feelings... sometimes for the better, but I feel like we do it too often. What's wrong with being honest sometimes? I know that things might be hard to say, but I don't think we want to go through life thinking "what if" about every time we wanted to speak up and didn't.

Why do we hold the feelings we have for others inside? We should tell others how we feel when we feel it. We must be true to ourselves and stop trying to hide all the time. I'm not saying that we should explode all the time, no, there are ways that each emotion should be conveyed. There is nothing wrong with being angry, but we must communicate in a real and mature way. The world was never destroyed by controlled discussions of our feelings.

If you love someone, tell them.
If you're angry about something, speak up before things get worse.
Work things out while you still can.
Who knows what tomorrow brings... who knows if you will have a tomorrow.
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today.

Love here. Love now.
Mend broken hearts today.
Speak up. Please, speak up.

Say what you really wanna say
And the truest of forms will show
Finally you'll find your soul

New Year... New Life

2008-01-19T15:49:00.000-06:00

While I sit here, I am asking myself why I am not curled up in my bed taking a nap... honestly, I can't find a good answer. I am currently serving as an NSI mentor for the spring session here at SNU, and we have been constantly doing things for the past two days. So now that I have free time, I am taking advantage of it by not sleeping... oh no... I'm doing the good 'ol American thing... I'm spending my time on the Internet and blogging.

I've come to realize that most people who blog talk about politics, social issues, the development of their children, or just about lofty ideas or questions. I on the other hand, because I lack the joy of having children (which is GREAT right now... too early in life for that), I just get kind of frustrated with politics these days, I would rather DO something about social issues than type out and analyze them, and I have come to realize that there isn't a lot of interesting things going on upstairs.... I just kind of vent and say whatever comes to mind.

I don't know if anyone really reads this other than my mom and Poppy, but I'm completely fine with it! To be honest, I really don't think that many people would really want to know about an event that happened to me while waking up this morning, or some other random thing that has happened in my life. Only the significant matters of my life are worth hearing, right? And even those are questionable about their attractiveness to others.

What I'm really driving at right now is what is happening within me. This new year has brought several new experiences into my life. I have spent wonderful days with my parents, grandparents, my best friend, some old friends, and even some new friends! I have spent 16 hours outside of Chick-fil-a.... in the rain, sleet, and snow... so that I might get 52 free meals this year! (I was #24 in line by the way) So as you can see, I have done a lot, but most importantly... I have dedicated my summer to a wonderful opportunity that God has given me. When most people hear that I am going to New Zealand, they get jealous and I even get jealous of myself... and I never knew the latter could happen, but it is.... trust me.

I am ecstatic that I get to go minister to others, but I still have some fears about how it will all work out. I get told that I worry too much, and that would be an understatement, I believe. I'm working on that, and God has allowed me to experience things that have put me to that test. I constantly pray for my heart to be shaped in a way that would allow me to be used by God- even when I feel like I can't go on. What amazes me the most and what gives me hope for my future is hearing about all the times I have been used when I thought I was useless.

I have had several conversations with people in my present and past that have allowed me to catch a glimpse of how God has used me even when I didn't know anything was happening. Remembering those conversations give me goosebumps! I could sit here and write about all the things that have been said about this matter, but it would not be the full story, and my lack of eloquence in writing my thoughts would by no means do justice for the praise that should be given to God. I know he looks at our efforts, so my mediocre sentences will have to suffice. I may sound like a broken record, but despite all the trials I have and continue to go through, I have encountered God in a very real way, and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

I know this next semester will bring me more trials and tribulations, but with God by my side- amazing things will happen. My heart is willing. It is because of this that I can say I am thrilled to see what God is going to do this summer in an island off the coast of Australia.

I would like to ask you. If you are reading this and are willing, will you join me in prayer for this trip? I feel like the is not only an opportunity for me, but also for those around me to get involved in something God is going to do. While I will be there physically... you can be there in your heart. Your prayers will help me get through the days that I wake up mentally and physically exhausted. Your prayers to God will be heard. I feel like prayer is overlooked, and for a bad reason. You may not know it, but your prayer might be exactly what is needed in a moment of desperation. I have to fly across an ocean, be in a different country, interact with people I don't know, eat different foods.... the list continues... and with all those things comes risk, a risk that your simple prayer might protect me through.

I feel as though my heart is already there... the hardest part night now is just waiting.

Dr. Phil

2007-12-24T21:46:00.000-06:00

As I was playing skip-bo on the livingroom floor this afternoon in my grandparents' house, I sat with my dad and watched Dr. Phil. The particular episode was dealing with "nasty neighbors."

On this show there were two scenerios about fueding neighbors. The reasons for their arguments aren't what I am so concerned about, however they were quite the topics, but I actually want to talk about how they were acting.

I have never in my life seen a group of adults act so childish and selfish in my life! I was amazed at their arguments as I heard their stories. Dr. Phil was even getting annoyed at their behavior. This sort of behavior that they were displaying was a prime example of the selfishness and coldheartedness in society. No longer do we take on a servant's heart and give to others, but we get in the mindset of "better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven."

How hard is it to just let go and try and work things out? Their first way of taking care of the matters are to file lawsuits. Please tell me what that will accomplish? I will tell you the answer right now- NOTHING.

I know that it is hard to love those that irritate you and constantly harass you... but these people, instead of just letting it go, they give the other person a reason to continue their behavior by retalliating and causing a scene. That is just what is wanted by the other person.

I could go on, but I just think that people now-a-days are just flat out selfish. I know it might sound a little 1st graderish, but honestly, if you don't have something nice to say at all... JUST DON'T TALK! Be the bigger person, and walk away. Treat that person with love even though they don't deserve it. Extend that grace that has been given to you. Sometimes I don't know if I will be able to do that, but I know that God wilk give me the peace and wisdom I need in those situations.

I guess you learn a lot while playing a card game by yourself! :)

Live your life for something that will outlast it.

2007-12-21T19:12:00.000-06:00

In light of all that has happened this semester and continues to happen all around me, I feel as if this wise line of lyrics captures the true essence of what the death of those around us or to those that are close to those around us causes to happen within our lives.

"Death is the only thing that makes us alive, forcing focus to the light that we hold inside."

We never fully understand why things happen, but even if we can't seem to see it, things happen for a purpose. Yes, we still feel that deep pain from the loss of a loved one, but we should always try and take something from their time here with us. Each person brought something new and unique to our lives. While they are no longer with us, their memories will stay with us forever.

When someone dies around us, which has been so prevalent these past 5 months, we tend to look at our own lives. What are we doing here? What is our purpose? Are we living just for today or are we focusing on something that extends beyond our finite lives?

What is holding us back? Why do we hold back the gifts that we have been given? I know I don't have everything figured out and I have my moments where I feel as though I can't go on, but the truth is, I am alive. I woke up this morning. I breathe in and out, and that's all I need to know that I have been given another day. I CAN go on. There is a reason I was given today. All I have to do is just ask God to guide me towards what He wants from my life. Everyday brings something different, and sometimes, something VERY scary or painful. We all have doubts, but those doubts should fuel our drive to move forward and prevail over our trials.

Don't hold yourself back, take those risks and move forward into the great unknown. You might be pleasantly surprised, and you will end up never having to ask for "just one more day."

The Life of a Cornhusker:

2007-12-21T09:56:00.000-06:00

Well, I found my way back to the cornfields of Nebraska last week! I left Meemaw and Poppy's just in time to miss the storms there and then to beat the one that was approaching here. Waking up the next morning was wonderful- as I looked out the window, I saw 10" of freshly fallen snow covering the landscape. It was so great, and just puts you in the Christmas mood! There's nothing like a good taste of classic holiday cheer in the form of that fluffy fun stuff! However, I must admit, It's just not the same without those Colorado mountains in the background. This kind of weather is LOVELY, but it just makes me want to go carve up a mountainside.

So far while I've been here, I have been able to go shopping a lot, play a ridiculous amount of skipbo, golf, and pick, and have some good quality time with my parents. This is great because upon arrival, I immediately checked my e-mail to see if I had some exciting news coming my way, and in fact, I did! I learned that I have been assigned to NEW ZEALAND for Youth in Mission- my first pick! :)

Yeah, this could be me... HOW NEAT IS THAT? Or maybe I could go here...

Now, that's what I call living it up!

I can't tell you how excited I am about travel across the Pacific Ocean and experiencing life in another country! I want to meet new people, see new things, learn about where they are coming from, look at my life differently- through a new perspective! I have been feeling so confused for so long, and this new adventure that lies ahead of me is something that has given me a new strength and once again has ignited my passion for living. No, I have not been a bump on a log these past months, but nothing was changing. I know that sometimes the most wonderful things in life are the average and mundane things, but I feel that when opportunities like this arise, that they are there to heighten our level of drive and passion for life.

Who wouldn't be pumped about going here?

What makes this more exciting is the fact that yesterday morning, I received my Christmas gift! Say hello to my new little friend:

I must admit, though. This is my Christmas, Birthday, and Good Student gift from my parents that I had to go in on, but oh my goodness, it was worth it! This beaut is one SEXY camera if I can say that... This mission trip and this camera are things that I have been graciously given the opportunity to go on/ receive. I feel like I did when I got my car for graduation... I just don't deserve such wonderful things!

All this is so great, but as I sit here, I am dealing with my body not feeling so well. That is something that I just wouldn't like to deal with while I'm on vacation from school. Nothing serious, but it hinders me from doing things I would like to do. HOWEVER, this gives me the opportunity to do things inside such as:

1. Watch the 6 hours of Pride & Prejudice I just got.
2. Read Just Jane, the book I am currently reading... it's a good one... every girl should read it.
3. Paint on Chelsea's picture.
4. Paint my own creation that I've concocted in my head on the drive up here.
5. Play Skipbo several times.
6. Play with my going deaf, going blind, yet still cute little Fibi.
7. Sleep until my heart's desire.

All of those options sound wonderful... maybe I will multi-task and combine some. How many options do I have? I think that in 7th grade, we had problems like this... 7!, right? 7*6*5*4*3*2*1... that would be... 5,040 options today with just those 7 listed activity choices. Now, I know there are many more activities I could do, but I don't have time to think of them and and then calculate them.

My mood: COMPLETELY EXCITED
My mind: Racing
My body: Alright
My heart: Full of love

2007-12-09T01:25:00.000-06:00

Maybe I'm just tired.
Maybe I'm just hurt.
Maybe I'm both...

Either way, I have not been myself at all this whole semester. This may be more out-spoken than I should be, but why do I have to go through this? I know that I can't demand that God give me what I want, but my heart hurts, and all I ask is that it go away. I want to be happy... and not just be happy with part of my life, but to be happy with it as a whole.

If I'm honest with myself, I'm not. Sure I have so much in my life, but there's still just one wound that won't seem to heal. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to find true happiness. I'm sick of the nights like this where I can't sleep, and I am caused to think of hurtful thoughts.

I seem to have a harder time, and I just don't know why. Why do I feel like this? Why did I let myself open up more, when I knew I shouldn't have... It's my own fault... Things are so confusing right now, and my emotions aren't my best friend. This sort of honesty I have is something that is extremely hard for me to talk about. I like to think I have it all together, and I make every effort to show that to others.

Truth is, I don't. I fail more than I succeed. I cry more than I smile. I'm rude more than I am nice. I just need some help...

Giving It Away

2007-12-05T16:29:00.000-06:00

Here I am.
All of me.
I am yours.
You have my heart.
Please guide it and shape it.
Protect me from harm.
Carry me through the hurt.
Fill my valleys with your perfect and undeserved grace.
Heal me and make me complete.
I love you more than anything this world can give me.
To you alone, I give my everything... So that I may be made whole.
Please examine me.
Examine ever fiber of my being.
Cleanse me of any impurities.
Guide me in your perfect and wonderful way.
Nothing will take my heart away from you.
I am so in love with you.

Cry In My Heart

2007-12-03T21:32:00.000-06:00

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart,
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head

Doesn't this song just seems to say it all? I can't seem to tell God enough just how much I need Him. I am nothing without him. I really have no more to say... this just says everything I can't say on my own.

2007-11-28T16:24:00.000-06:00

Breathe a little deeper
Love a little more
Worry just a little bit less about tomorrow

~ Spencer Green

Blood... My Heart

2007-11-27T23:03:00.000-06:00

Well, today I had the privilege of donating my blood for the first time! I can say, that I was semi-nervous about the whole experience, but thanks to Courtney, the egg story, the nurse with a gold front tooth, and some pretty strong ammonia... I made it through! I'm not gonna lie, those needles that they poke you with are VERY VERY large!

The whole time, I was thinking about how uncomfortable it was. I mean, there is a large needle, just having a hay day in my vein! It wasn't really painful, but rather it was weird and annoying. What a great thing to do, though! I just gave a part of myself to someone who really needs it.

Along those same lines, I just completed my Youth In Mission application process and I have made my interest in it final. I'm so excited about this potential opportunity to spend a summer of mine actually doing something for others. I will not be held captive in an office or on a volleyball court... I will be an instrument for God and His kingdom. I know that I can do the same here on this very campus, but I want to learn about a different culture and to see a world that needs God in a different way.

I feel like my whole life I have been in this Nazarene bubble, and while its a great thing, it is also just as destructive. I want a change of heart. I want to see people for who they are and not for what they simply do. I want to know their hearts. I want to connect with them not only as a human, but as a brother and sister in Christ. I get so set in my ways of how a Christian should look, act, talk... you know all about them, I'm sure, but I want to reexamine this life that I'm in.

I'm ready to stand at this crossroad and find out which path leads me to a brighter, better, and fuller life. I want to go through this journey with others who will stretch me in different ways. I want to be challenged by new people. I know that God will use me in ways I can't even comprehend right now, and I want those individuals that I am building relationships with to force me to wrestle with life. Am I asking for difficult times? It sure sounds like I am...

No pain no gain, right? I'm willing to give it my all.... to lose it all... only to gain it all in Christ. I love Him, and I am constantly trying to keep God my focus and my hope. Who knows, I might not get to go on this mission trip this summer. I might become ill and unable to go.

What I do know is this: I have a heart and an ability to love others. I want God to use this gift of love he's given me and share it with the world. Sure, I have my bad days and I mess up, but I just know that this love I have was meant for amazing things. No, not flashy and in your face necessarily, but for something amazing... for God. It may just be as simple as being a stay at home mother, and investing my energy in my marriage and kids. Who knows, I might be lead to educate children in Africa about AIDS and help stop the epidemic.

As I sit here and write all this, I am just overwhelmed... I can't wait! But, why wait? I can be God's hands and feet right here, and right now. Sometimes I know what I need to do, I just don't know HOW or WHERE. Does this happen a lot in people? There are so many days I wake up and feel full of life and like something great is going to happen, but when I get into the swing of things, I lose sight of the work I have been called to do. My selfishness kicks in, I get grumpy and demanding, I miss opportune moments to act.

Am I making a difference? Do I look like I care? Maybe I am.... I just am left to wonder if I'm doing enough. I know all of our works aren't always seen, I just have to have faith that God will use me as I am. I'm far from perfect. I'm nothing compared to God. I can only hope that He will lead me in the way I should go... as hard as it is to say this... I want to be lead WHEREVER He wants.

I'm opening myself up a potentially HUGE can of worms, but my God sustains me... I know that with God, I can do the "more than difficult." He's worth it... He's more than worth it. I don't say this for any other reason than for love. He has my heart, and He is healing me. He knows the way I take, and my best efforts are nothing compared to His strength in my weaknesses.

I can't seem to tell God exactly how much I love Him.

--> You have my heart. You have my soul. You have me, completely.<--

Shoutout:

2007-11-26T23:07:00.000-06:00

So, over the break, I found out that my Poppy has my blog saved as a link on his desktop, and this makes me happy.

#1 For the fact that I know I am not talking to thin air.
#2 That Poppy and MeeMaw can stay somewhat connected to my stressful and busy life.

Poppy was really proud that he could view this, and I think that my mom was the one that told him about it after I had e-mailed her the link so she might be able to read what I've written as well. While talking with Poppy, I had mentioned that I would give him a shout out! So here it is:

Hey Poppy! Thanks for your great conversations this past week! I thoroughly enjoyed talking to you about your life and how you have seen God work in your life through those tough times. Like I was saying, I really think that those tough times we go through, no matter what age, are blessings because we come to realize the degree in which God is actively sustaining us through life. I also would like to have more conversations about your family because after talking to you... I really don't know as much as I should!

I can't wait until I get to see you and MeeMaw for Christmas! It's only 28 days away, and I know those days will go by faster than we think. I hope MeeMaw's blood pressure is doing better, and she isn't feeling as weak. I will continue to keep her in my prayers, and I just want you both to know that if there is anything I need to do to make the next holiday time easier, by cleaning, cooking, or anything else that I would be more than willing to lend a helping hand!

I think I have the best MeeMaw and Poppy in the world. If you don't know them, then you should meet these wonderful people who are in my life.

Today was good, I got to pick up Thomas from the airport and give my great friend his first hug after returning to the 405. He's a great friend with a beautiful heart. Bless him... he has helped me through so many low points. That boy should receive an award for listening to all of my rantings.

On another note, I am NOT excited about all this work that is piling up on me this week. I still have to get moving on this whole Youth in Mission thing... yeah, I have to do that in the NEAR future! Oh, but no worries! It's going to get done. All of it.... it always does somehow.

This week is going to be a great one... yep, I called it! :)

Never Forget

2007-11-25T20:53:00.000-06:00

As I look around my room, the thought crosses my mind- What am I doing and how did I get here?

Ever come to a point in your life and you are amazed at how time has seemed to fly by and you are in this place and have no idea how you've gotten here? Why is it that time seems to go by so slow while your on the road, yet so fast when you look back on your life.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to help my Poppy take things down from the attic for his nativity scene he always sets up in front of his house. While, we did not get to hang Mary and Joseph by tying a noose around their neck and lowering them into the garage, I did get to stumble across some interesting items upstairs.

Nailed to the beams of the roof, were various pictures and letters that the grandkids had given MeeMaw and Poppy in the past. As I read/ viewed each piece, I came across the last two papers. To my surprise, they were two drawings, made by none other than me.

Let me tell you... they were ROUGH! After looking at them intently, I think my first picture that I gave to Poppy for Christmas in 1993 was a horse, and the other picture that was given to MeeMaw that same Christmas was a duck. These guesses are highly educated, and you would have to really use your imagination to see those animals in those figure.

BUT, like I said... How did I get from THAT to the painting I have hanging behind me? Several people have asked me if I would sell it to them, but I've turned them down. I'm sure NO ONE other than MeeMaw and Poppy would want those pictures nailed in their attic. What happened in those in between years? I know- A LOT!

I lost my first tooth.

I got a trampoline.

I wrote several papers.

I got my first car.

I had my heart broken for the first time.

I played several hours of volleyball.

I learned that you don't try and clean your knife by wiping it on the couch.... and then lie about the whole you made.

I realized my brother isn't the enemy.

I've taken a softball to the face.

I've lost several friends to death for various reasons.

I've learned that to love others takes dedication, compassion, respect, and a source- God.

There has been a lot of things in my life that has happened and has seemed to be packed in a TINY amount of time. My life is in the first quarter of the average person's life-span. There will be more to come... or will there? Sure, I'd like to say that I will live a long and healthy life, but really, who am I to say something like that?

Oh, I have aspirations and dreams for my life, but I can't say for SURE that I will live to a point where those dreams are able to happen. That's not my call.

I can say that I've enjoyed my life, and that I have been blessed in so many ways, but what about those times that I didn't think about how fragile my life is? What about those nights that I laid my head down and didn't apologize out of stubbornness and never even thought about it possibly being my last chance?

Man, I've gotten "lucky" more than I know. God has held me in His hand and I have just taken it for granted. I just can't seem to say thanks enough. I'm so undeserving of this life.

I Am What I Hate

2007-11-21T10:15:00.000-06:00

I have always found materialism and insincerity to be the things that I just can't stand. I mean, you look around and see people showing off their fancy cars and designer clothes to anyone and everyone who looks in their direction.

There is nothing wrong with being blessed with what you have, but there is a difference in your attitude. It is hard for those who have plenty to really understand how blessed they are. It is easy to take your car for granted, to take your wonderful family for granted, and to become consumed in yourself, leaving others on the back-burner.

I can tell you right now that these things that I hate so much, I have fallen victim to so many times. It's hard growing up in a comfortable home and always having food on the table. I never really knew what it felt like to not know where my next meal was coming from or how I was going get to school that day. There have been times that my family has been in a financial struggle, but my parents had saved, so we were never fully out of luck.

My grandparents have been so giving to my family as well and have always been a help to my family's financial needs. I am thankful for all my life's blessings. I don't sleep on the ground because I have to, I do it because I go on recreational trips to camp! The times when I wake up and want to complain about this or that are times where I am just as guilty as those individuals who flaunt their wealth at whoever passes by.

I don't go around flaunting my wealth in exactly the same way, but isn't taking it all for granted just as bad? I mean, while I am not consciously trying to show off all I have to others, my mindset is not a grateful one. I think that is just as bad. By forgetting that everything is a precious gift from God, I am basically telling others that its not enough; that I want more.

I can never forget where I've come from and how blessed I am to have what I have. When I forget this, I am just as guilty as those whose attitudes I criticize.

How do I let myself lose sight of what's important? I'm trying... I truly am trying. I just tend to fail more than I succeed.

I can't do this alone. There's no way I will make it.

I'm so glad I have help in this life.

Give Thanks

2007-11-19T21:41:00.000-06:00

So, Thanksgiving is coming up in just a matter of days, and this got me thinking about what I am thankful for. I look around me, and I see several things that reveal just how blessed I am. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear (and a lot of them might I add)... my list goes on!

But something I found in my life that I am thankful for is something that is not commonly thought of as being a blessing: my struggles. This year has been difficult on so many levels and has been a constant struggle that I have been dealing with. I think about how frustrated and hurt I am, but at the same time... I am so thankful for them! I know this sounds odd, but if I don't feel this hurt and pain, then how am I supposed to grow up? You don't grow unless you push yourself and fight through the pain.

I am so thankful for this time that I have alone because I am learning about how to put complete trust in God and His will for my life. I am being romanced by my wonderful God and He is teaching me how to become a better me so that I will be a full and complete woman. I am daily challenged to examine my life and to be in tune with what God wants me to do with my life. I am finding out more about the meaning of what love truly is and what it looks like. I have also found that in these weak moments of my life, my true friends have shined through.

These past months, it has seemed as though I have had a sour mood more frequently than usual and I've been upset with my many struggles, but if it weren't for these times, I wouldn't be the young woman that I am today. Yes, I can say that I am blessed for all of these struggles that I've gone through this year! I don't feel very different. Everyday brings me another confusing loop that I must find a way to jump through, but I know that with God by my side, I can make it through anything and in the end, I will be made complete.

My God will never leave me. He will never give me more than I can handle. I am a strong woman of God and my faith... my little faith.... will not be shaken. I know His plan for my life may not be pleasant, but it is worth it, and in the end I will gain so much more than anything I could ever gain right here and right now.

It is by grace that I am here, and it is by grace that I can stand on my feet and praise God with all my heart. It is by grace that I get to live this undeserved life!

***This is why I'm thankful:

God has given me more than I deserve, and He is shaping me and training me for things to come. These struggling times have been some of the most formative times of my life. I can't believe how my faith in God has changed, and how much I have grown. I am a better person because of my struggles, and this brings me a joy that only comes from God.

***This is why I love Thanksgiving:

I am reminded of everything above

Yeah, I like quotes...

2007-11-16T10:12:00.001-06:00

"Let us be silent that we may hear the whisper of God."
-Emerson

I happen to think that when we are struggling and have asked "why" until we are blue in the face, there's only one thing that we have left to do- be silent. Why do we always get selfish at the first sign of difficulty. Things aren't going our way, so we decided to tell God the life just isn't fair. "God, I studied for 12 hours and all I got was a 38%." "I'm a good person, why did they have to put me down like that?" "I said I was sorry... isn't that what I'm supposed to say so that you can give me what I want?"

Let's all be honest here, we've said things like that before. Truth is though, we don't deserve anything! We can ask God why all we want, but that doesn't mean things are going to change. Life can stink sometimes and that's just how it is. I'm not saying that we should forget to ask those why questions altogether; those questions are healthy to ask. Don't just go through life without a spine, taking everything as it comes without some sort of questioning. Wrestle with life. Wrestle with God. Allow Him to change your name. Walk away from situations with a limp. It shows you are serious about following God and allowing Him to show you what you're really capable of if you just become honest with yourself about who you are and allow God to shape you into the person you want to be for Him.

When we don't get those answers we want though, it can be difficult. So many of us keep on talking to God and telling Him how much we hurt. It's okay to hurt and lament to God. He hears our cry- each and every one of them! How amazing is that? If I tried to listen to those cries, I would get a headache. There's one thing we miss though, and that's to sit in silence and allow God to respond back to us. We may not hear it audibly, visually, or even at that exact moment and in the response we want to hear, but God's listening. We have to be silent and in tune with his whispers so that we don't miss the big things He wants us to hear.

Just look around, beauty is beckoning you from every corner... That hug from a dear friend, the flower you took time to smell, your favorite song on the radio when you turn on the car, the warm cup of coffee that reminds you that Christmas is right around the corner. Life is beautiful even on the worst of days... just remember to look for that beauty, it's reminding you that God is still present in your life. Take a walk and just focus on things outside yourself and you will see what I mean. You forget about the cold, you forget about the injustices of the world, and you see the good. God is still here.

I've been in this waiting room before. I've had a hard time clinging to my faith and hope for what my life is going to be for God. My life, as short as it has been, has had very difficult moments, but I've seen God at work. In fact, these times when I'm waiting and struggling, I've been more aware of God's hand in my life. Funny how those moments of pain are the greatest moments where the joys in life are revealed. You learn to be content and grateful for what you still have. You notice the little things more.

Don't give up on God. Don't give Him and ultimatum. Even if He doesn't answer right away or in the way you want, when you're silent... God shows up, and in BIG ways.

He will show up... I just don't know when or how. My love for Him grows everyday, and I couldn't ask for a better joy than that, which I have found in Him.

Ahhh...

2007-11-11T08:16:00.001-06:00

There's nothing like cruising down the freeway in a convertible at night with your friend, singing, laughing, screaming, and dancing.

It's wonderful.
It's free.
It's exciting.
It makes your heart leap.
It's intimate.
It's lovely.
It's mine.

It came at JUST the right time, after I had JUST asked for a pick-me-up, and it's all mine.
My special gift to be enjoyed, and I will never forget the feeling of the wind in my hair, and the song in my heart.

This is what life is supposed to be like: Living like there's no tomorrow and taking up every opportunity to live the life we've been graciously given!

What a blessing to have friends who share these moments with you. We've been given life, and it's God's desire that we LIVE it! This isn't always easy. There are many things that drag us down, but one thing's for sure. If you get an opportunity to do something amazing during those rough times, suck it up and go for you... you will be pleasantly surprised! Don't be blind to opportunities for that crummy day to be turned upside down.

There are blessings all around, open your eyes... really open your eyes... you are blessed beyond your understanding...

I will never forget last night.

** Funny how I write to someone as if someone is reading this.... no one does- HA! At least it's a personal reminder of what I need to do, and who i need to be... and once again, I'm talking to myself... we have a problem here**

This amazes me...

2007-10-24T16:32:00.000-05:00

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." Daniel 3:17-18

Now that's some strong faith...

My prayer

2007-10-23T14:24:00.000-05:00

Embrace me
Cover me in love
I am yours

Grace, it's truly amazing

2007-10-17T02:16:00.001-05:00

'But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.' {2 Corinthians 12:9}

What a wonderful thing to think about.

What a wonderful thing to experience.

Dreams

2007-10-10T20:42:00.000-05:00

They can be good... they can be bad.
I'm going to talk about the bad kind.
One specific dream in particular.
That keeps coming back.
It won't stop.
It's the same thing over and over again.
I'm sick of it!
I am trying to find joy.
Each day I have the stupid dream makes that task difficult.
I am happy.
I have a WONDERFUL life.
I am blessed beyond what I deserve.
Why do I let my subconscious get to me so much?
Maybe because it seems so real.
Why does it seem so real?
I tasted it.
I FELT it.
I saw it.
It happened.
But only in my dream.
Man, it seemed so real.
Dreams.
They can be good.... they can be bad.
I HATE it when they're bad.

My life so far

2007-09-02T22:36:00.000-05:00

You know what? Growing up is hard... You go through those years when something as simple as your best friend eating your last animal cracker is THE biggest problem of you life, and then years later, you are dealing with issues such as what you are going to do with your life and how you are going to make it financially on your own. These huge questions we have to ask ourselves and figure out the answers to are pretty scary when they come at you all at once.

When did I trade in my Little Mermaid lunch box for a ticket on a rapidly accelerating train towards "the great unknown?" Man, I heard this said so many times, but time really does fly by. Today, I had the opportunity to go surprise my mom and grandparents in Medford for Labor Day Weekend. It was a great time with the family (minus Dad). While I was there, Michelle, Jonathan, and I watched home videos. Man, we were some studs back then- ankle socks with sandals (that didn't fit our feet might I add), short haircuts, awkward teeth, chubby bodies, and not let's not forget the constant need for attention- Those were some of the happiest times of my life, and why?

I didn't have a care in the world.

Once 7th grade hit, I became more aware of what others though of me (particularly of the male species... yes species), I was faced with new truths about the world in which we live in, and I had more and more responsibilities piling on. I had to start growing up- Whoa. I'm so thankful God spared me from a lot during those years. I had wonderful friends who constantly challenged me, and continue to do so. I realized the importance of being nice and loving to others, I realized that I was a very independent girl, I learned about several talents I had never realized were within me, and I didn't waste my time on immature boys- not really by choice... I was just "one of the guys." The last one is bitter-sweet, but I'm trying to make it more on the sweeter side. :)

What I guess I'm trying to say is that we must look back on our life when we feel overwhelmed and unsure about our future and remember where we came from. I no longer cry when that elephant cracker is captured from my paper towel- or at least not as long and I forgive quickly. I've grown up. Sure, it has been over time that this has all happened. If I had to jump from the first time I dressed myself to taking Accounting II, I would have died!

God has provided for me since.... forever!

Why then must I doubt so much?

I guess so I can show my true faith in Him.

As much as I want control and have my future setup step by step... I can't. God won't do that for me. It's my choice. I must allow God to guide me through and help me make the best decisions I can- no matter how difficult they may be- so that I will remain in His will.

If you know me, letting go of control and spontaneity are not my fortes. I like organization and order.

Life is chaotic and complex.

This should be interesting.

Good thing I'm not alone.

First Post

2007-08-21T09:15:00.000-05:00

So, I recently got rid of my Xanga page considering I hadn't posted in about a year, and now I have this, which I basically the same thing. We shall see how this one will work out for me. I have a feeling that it will be good. Writing your thoughts is something that I find to be beneficial to me. Will I write in this everyday? Nope. Will I say things that I will later laugh/ get embarrassed about, or later regret... most likely. Who knows what I will write! This basically will show my development as a person, which is cool. Think about it, I can see how far I've come along in life just by clicking a back button and reading thoughts about what I was dealing with months ago. This of course, will take a while to build up before I can reach that point, but I believe that recording what you've gone through is helpful with learning about yourself and about life. Why make the same mistake? Why not embrace those moments in your life that you were wrong and learn from them? Rejoice when you turned a new leaf, and be thankful when you did something right for once. This should be an interesting journey to observe. My life... my sophomore year... my story... What does the future hold? Well, we will soon find out! :)